Welcome And The Ambition Question
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognizably successful. Now your host, Dr. Kamal Asser.
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Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
When Achievement Hides An Emotional Void
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Today's podcast is about ambition. And I think one of the biggest misunderstandings about this is the idea that ambitious people are never satisfied. There's certainly a version of ambition that looks like that, where no accomplishment feels enough because every achievement is being used to fill an emotional void. Whatever you achieve next, the promotion, the degree, the business goal, the next milestone provides this relief before the mind immediately shifts to the next target. In these cases, satisfaction is postponed because achievement is never the true objective. The objective is the person searching for a feeling of enoughness that no external accomplishment can permanently provide. And on top of all of this, I don't believe this is what healthy ambition looks like. Healthy ambition allows you to be deeply fulfilled by where you are while you're remaining genuinely excited about where you're going. Fulfillment and a desire for growth don't have to exist as opposites. You can feel immense gratitude for the life Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given you while also feeling inspired to create further opportunities and taking on more and more responsibilities if you want.
Multipassionate Or Just Chasing Novelty
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I think there are type of people in the world who Allah created with unusually broad interests. They're energized by learning, creating, building, discovering, teaching, connecting ideas across different fields. These human beings are fascinated by a variety of subjects, both scientific and abstract. They're interested in history, agriculture, writing, architecture, languages, design, technology, and they don't experience these interests as competing with one another. If you are one of these human beings, for you each discipline will enrich the other, because knowledge does not exist in isolated compartments. A student who studies Islamic scholarship also studies communication will become a much more effective teacher. A physician who loves psychology will become a much more effective coach, inshallah. In these cases your curiosity is expansive and it's not necessarily scattered. The differences in your passion gradually come together in such a coherent way that it serves the world and you much more exponentially. At the same time, I think there is a need for you to be careful not to confuse genuine multipassion with modern tendency towards novelty seeking. You live in an environment that is constantly rewarding the new. Every day you'll come across another course to buy, another productivity system, another hobby to explore. And the brain naturally enjoys novelty because it captures your attention and it feels exciting. The danger comes when excitement becomes the primary criteria for deciding whether something deserves your commitment or not. If every time the initial excitement fades, you conclude that you must have chosen the wrong pursuit, you will spend your entire life become an expert beginner. Every meaningful pursuit eventually asks something different of you than excitement. In the beginning, almost everything will feel exhilarating because your brain is exploring the unfamiliar territory, which is a highly sought after feeling in ambitious people. If you're learning the rules of Tajwid, it will be deeply inspiring when you begin. You imagine yourself reciting the Quran beautifully, you purchase the materials, you organize your study schedule, you anticipate your progress. But while you're doing this process for several months, this whole experience will change. You will still need to be practicing the same fundamental rules, correcting the same recurring mistakes, moving through the pronunciations, through the slow, repetitive process. This is what mastery requires. And through this phase of the process, the emotional experience becomes much more subdued, and it is during this stage of your multipassion pursuits that another interest suddenly appears more attractive. Maybe in this phase, Arabic calligraphy is going to look more exciting, or maybe learning another language, or pursuing another certification. The question here is not if these are worthwhile interests. Of course they are. The question is if the new interest represents a genuine shift in your priorities, or if your mind has simply become uncomfortable with the ordinary rhythm of the long term commitment. For
Commitment After Excitement Fades
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you to know the difference, you have to finish your first commitment in order for you to pursue another priority. I have come to believe personally that one of the defining characteristics of a healthy ambition is the ability to remain devoted to something long after the novelty has disappeared. Excitement is wonderful because it helps you begin, but commitment is what allows you to become excellent. You will reach every worthwhile goal only after it has reached a point where progress has become slower, and you've gotten over that point. And this level of expertise requires sustained repetition. There is not going to be constant inspiration in those moments. And for ambitious people who are just looking for the high of novelty, this stage is much less emotionally stimulating. And this stage is exactly what you need to develop your skill. You need the discipline, it will give you confidence, and this is where mastery is built. People who consistently accomplish extraordinary things are not the one who remain excited every day. They're the ones who have learned to continue acting in alignment with their values even when the emotional intensity is not present. I also think that it's very helpful for you to recognize that not every ambition deserves the same proportion of your attention.
Priorities, Seasons, And Real Tradeoffs
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We very often speak about following your passion as though every interest should receive equal amount of time, and that's simply just not realistic. The amount of commitment you're going to give to one thing is going to depend on the level of mastery you hope to achieve in that area. Becoming a neuroscientist is fundamentally different from learning enough neuroscience to better understand your own habits. Become a professional chef requires a completely different investment than learning to meal prep your nutritious meals. Becoming a Quran scholar requires a different level of dedication than improving your own recitation. Every worthwhile ambition asks a different price of you, and wisdom is in you deciding honestly how much of yourself are you willing to invest. So being multipassionate does not mean giving every interest equal priority. It means recognizing that you may have several lifelong ambitions unfolding simultaneously, while understanding that each season of life may also naturally place one or two of them at the forefront. There may be years where your career requires the majority of your intellectual energy. During that time your other passions are remaining in the background. In those times you're consciously and intentionally deciding that you're pursuing your career with more of your attention. For other people, raising young children may become the central investment for the season of their life, while writing a book may be another investment that requires attention in another season of life. None of these ambitions have necessarily disappeared just because they're temporarily receiving a different proportion of your attention. They remain a part of the larger vision of your life. One of the most useful questions I think you can ask yourself as a multi passionate person is whenever a new opportunity appears, is asking yourself whether you're moving towards something meaningful or simply moving away from the discomfort of sustained effort. If this new interest becomes more attractive precisely when your current one starts requiring patience and resilience, there's a good chance that this pursuit is being directed by the search of novelty rather than by deeply held values. The issue is rarely the presence of multiple passions. The issue is whether your passions are mature enough to survive beyond the honeymoon phase. And ultimately I don't think the evidence of a healthy ambition is found in the number of interests you have. It is found in the legacy you create. Because over time you will accumulate completed projects that are giving you meaningful contributions and you've developed multiple expertise. You've learned how to gradually transform your enthusiasm into devotion, and that devotion is the force that carries you through the ordinary days when inspiration is less intense. And you've mastered that skill over time. It does not mean that somebody who's engaging in three passions and pursuits has a more healthy ambition compared to somebody who has twenty three passions. If they can coordinate that, if they can multitask through that, and they have learned the art of transforming inspiration into devotion, then maybe the woman who's pursuing twenty three goals is the one with the more healthy ambition.
Ambition Without Stress Or Self-Punishment
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I also do think that ambition gets a bad rep because of the right reasons. If you are somebody who's overachieving and it is sort of a given for you that you have to rely on stress to be able to do what you're doing, this is exactly what gets ambition a bad rep. And collectively, everyone starts to think that this is the only way to accomplish something that is difficult through extreme self sacrifice, stress and unrest and self punishment. I think this is very unfortunate. This is a very unfortunate belief system that every one of you has been fed into and based on this presumption it is accurate to think that achievement and ambition is not a good thing. When ambition costs you your mental health, then of course it's not good. I talk about it in episode one hundred ninety about stress addiction and episode one hundred and eighty nine, rat race or fulfillment. But what if you could have ambition, be a multi passionate woman, achieve your wildest desires, and be accomplishing your most lofty goals and you don't feel burnt out or stressed out. You actually feel relaxed and enjoy the process. And of course all of this is possible, but nobody tells you that because nobody's an expert in doing that themselves. Which is why ambition becomes associated with greed, selfishness, ego, stepping over other people and never being satisfied and constantly chasing the next accomplishment. So it's natural that when you hear the word ambitious, you picture somebody who neglects their family, who works eighty hours a week and sacrifices their health. Then of course it's natural for us to assume that ambition is synonymous with obsession, with overworking. Ambition itself as your value is morally neutral. Ambition is simply your capacity to see the future that does not yet exist and your willingness to move towards it. And this willingness to cultivate that future is something that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has already placed inside of you, because nothing happens without Allah's permission, even your future visions. Ambition is the refusal to bury your talents. It is believing that your contribution matters. Ambition can become unhealthy just like wealth can become unhealthy. Marriage can become unhealthy. Parenting, obsession with travel, obsession with socializing. Anything that comes at the cost of your mental health can become unhealthy. At the same time, we don't condemn marriages, we don't condemn parenting. In the same way don't condemn ambition just because some people pursue it in destructive ways. I would argue that a healthy ambition is one of the greatest forms of gratitude. When Allah gives you intelligence, creativity, compassion, leadership, ability to teach, ability to heal, build, invent, inspire. Choosing not to develop these gifts is not necessarily humility, and you might find that you describe yourself as being content when in reality you're just terrified of failing. If you pursue these ambitions in a healthy way, you're practicing the highest form of gratitude. Healthy ambition tells you that if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala trusted you with something, you're going to honor that. This is a completely different emotional experience than chasing an achievement because you're trying to earn your worth or you've fallen victim to the shiny object syndrome. This error in the emotional experience while you're trying to remain excited constantly and not able to enjoy the journey that seems repetitive, this is based on a mistake we all make very frequently, and that is that we assume that the emotions are something that we experience after we've accomplished a goal. What
Emotional Fuels That Sustain Big Goals
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you're taught is to think that once you work hard and then you become enthusiastic and then you become confident as a result of that hard work, then you can become grateful or joyful. But what I'm here to tell you is that these emotions can be generated now, before your accomplishment. If you reverse the order of what is otherwise a commonly held belief that you will experience joy, fulfillment, vitality after the accomplishment of your goal, if you set aside that lie and you generate all of these emotions now, before you accomplish your goal, before your ambition produces any tangible results, you are bound to enjoy the process of accomplishing these goals much more. And this is so important because the emotional state you've repeatedly generate determines not only how much work you can sustain, but also what the work feels like in your body. The same eight hours of work is going to feel expansive and productive or exhausting and depleting, depending on the emotional engine driving the work during those hours. I love exploring healthy emotional fuels, especially on this podcast, and I've given you enough material on it. I give you enough language for you to experience that on your own and practice it. And I'm gonna do the same now as it relates to this subject of ambition. And these are in no particular order, adopt whatever speaks to you the most. So first emotional fuel is enthusiasm. It's the most underestimated forms of productivity because it naturally directs your attention towards the possibility instead of doing things out of obligation. When you're enthusiastic, your mind looks for opportunities and solutions. Then there's inspiration. This feels amazing in your body. So generate it ahead of time. Feel inspired by your dreams, knowing why the work you're doing matters, inspired by the next evolved version of you, inspired by the next small step you're going to take. Then there's vitality. This is your emotional experience of physically feeling alive and you get to generate it now. This is going to offset your exhaustion that you've become accustomed to. So adopt vitality now. Create that with your thoughts now instead of stress. Courage is an amazing emotion to create now. It allows you to continue taking thoughtful action while being fully aware that something might not go the way you want it to, that you might get rejected, that you might not see the fruit of your labor immediately. One of the more creative emotions that you get to create now before you start achieving your goals is audacity. And don't misunderstand me, because you might have the tendency to confuse it with arrogance. I mean to say it in a way where it's simply your willingness to stop making yourself small. It is allowing yourself the audacity to believe in the gifts that Allah placed within you, the gifts that are meant to be developed. You having the audacity to dream beyond what feels familiar, without believing that you're superior to anyone else. Exploration is another amazing emotion that you get to create ahead of time. Allow amazement, wonderment, and allow your ambitions to evolve intelligently because you are willing to gather new information and you're challenging your old assumptions. Another amazing emotion to create now in the pursuit of your goals is joy. This is one of the most sustainable emotional fuels because it changes ambition into something that you're actively participating in. Joy does not necessarily eliminate the difficulty of the process, it just changes your relationship with that difficulty. Be grounded in certainty. That's another emotion. Not that certainty of every plan will succeed, but certainty that you can rely on yourself, certainty that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's help and mercy is with you, certainty in your ability to get up and keep trying. Another very powerful emotion that we need to create ahead of time is gratitude. You appreciate your family while you're continuing to build stronger relationships, while you're learning emotional intelligence. You appreciate your current level of knowledge while continuing to study more. You appreciate your business while continuing to improve it. Gratitude is what protects ambition from becoming a restless, never ending pursuit. And this happens because you're generating intentional appreciation and gratitude for what you have now. Generosity is another one of those great emotions. When you work because this is your opportunity to benefit others, a lot of your internal pressure begins to disappear. Every patient you care for, every customer you service, every child you nurture, any kind of entrepreneurship endeavor you pursue is all in service of others. Your sense of service creates extraordinary endurance because giving meaningfully to others is one of the deepest sources of human fulfillment. When these emotional states become the primary fuel behind your ambitions, your relationship with achievement changes entirely. Instead of constantly extracting energy from your future in the hope that success will eventually make you feel alive at some point, you begin generating that success and aliveness right now, and the work itself becomes nourishing. The goal here is to become emotionally healthier while remaining wildly ambitious. I pray that you stop apologizing for the size of your dreams and your curiosity. I hope you become a kind of person that can pursue extraordinary goals without sacrificing your peace, someone who understands that discipline and joy can always coexist.
Du’a And Closing Reflections
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With that I pray to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, O Allah, fill our hearts with purpose and our efforts with sincerity. Grant us the courage to pursue the gifts that you have placed within us. Give us the discipline to remain committed and make our ambition a means of serving you. Ya Allah, bless us with the success that only brings us closer to you. Amin Ya Rabul Al Amin. Please keep me in your drawz. I will talk to you guys next time.
