Speaker 1: 0:00
This is Dr K from the Islamic Life Coach School. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will change. Hello friends, my name is Gamal Akhtar. I am a board certified internal medicine physician and I practice hospital medicine. Today, I'm coming to you in a capacity of a life coach. I prefer to go by Dr K because it eliminates the opportunity for people to mispronounce my name. A lot of people call me Gunwall, which is not right. Also, my high school teachers had a tendency of calling me Cornwall. That's definitely not it. You can call me Dr K because my married last name is Kamal and my siblings always called me K growing up. Or you can call me Sister K or you can call me K. Or you can call me Sister K, or you can call me K or you can call me Kamal, definitely not Khanwal.
Speaker 1: 0:55
I've created Islamic Life Coach School in this podcast because during the collective experience of the pandemic, while it brought turmoil and uncertainty, it also forced me to slow down. I've always been a fan of the self-help industry and during this process of slowing down, I discovered life coaching. After going through many life coaching concepts, I came across one that completely changed my life, like turned it upside down on its head, a complete 180 degree turn. So at the Islamic Life Coach School, I'll teach you this tool and this concept in an Islamic context. But before I give you this tool that changed my life and has the potential of changing many more lives, let me tell you what life coaching is. Life coaching as an industry developed over the past few decades, so relatively new, and it is a way to get help from a more experienced person about issues that might be personal, professional or even spiritual. What life coaching is not is that it isn't a profession where we can diagnose or treat mental pathology like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, major depression or other things like that. One thing I want to clarify is that, while I am a licensed physician and I have the ability to diagnose and treat these disorders, I will not be doing so through my efforts of life coaching. Now, some of you that are listening to this your thoughts will immediately go to oh, but I am actually depressed too bad, she can't help me, and to that, my friends, I'll tell you that I can help you and you are most likely not suffering from clinical depression, and life coaching can help you in a way that you didn't even think was possible. Now, if you do have a mental health diagnosis and are functional on medications or with psychotherapy, life coaching can help you excel at your life. Licensed mental health professionals can help people come out of the proverbial hole in the ground of the disease process, while life coaches can help people excel at their life. Once that hole has been leveled, there's a major difference. They do not compete with each other and both of these professions have their place.
Speaker 1: 3:01
Life coaching is not a regulated industry, meaning anyone can call themselves a life coach and even create their own certification program. This is highly contrasted from all the mental health professions such as psychotherapists, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists. All of these professions are heavily regulated and have strict licensing procedures and restrictions, where the professional usually cannot practice out of their own state lines. Life coaching is about gaining emotional intelligence, mind management, reaching goals that you create for yourself and living a life where you're present 100% of the time. You're present with your family, for your children, for your religion, for your profession and actually being happy and feeling fulfilled. This is in contrast to living a life feeling you haven't given enough or done enough or you aren't enough, feeling like you're always too busy, too short or too reactive in situations. You can be your own life coach. Actually, contrary to popular opinion, life coaches do not make clients dependent on the coach. They give the clients tool to be able to coach themselves and practice the skills with them until they have mastered the skill.
Speaker 1: 4:10
And at the Islamic Life Coach School, I will teach thought regulation through a powerful tool. So what is this tool that I keep talking about? Now? This will require some attention For those of you listening to this in the background while doing another task. This is where you want to pay attention. So here we go. Are you ready for this Drum roll, please? Okay, it's coming. It's coming. Here we go. The tool is a model which is abbreviated as C-T-F-A-R. Hmm, what in the world did she just say Stay with me. It's a powerful tool responsible for changing my life. It's abbreviated as C-T-F-A-R, which stands for C is for circumstance, t is for thoughts, f is for feelings, a is for actions, r is for results.
Speaker 1: 5:10
Now let me explain each of these in a little detail. For the first letter, c, which stands for circumstances, circumstances are always neutral, always outside of us and always out of our control. They have to be provable in front of a few people, for example in a court of law. A few examples of the circumstance is the world, the weather, the people around us, things that we cannot control. Now, the next letter is T, which is for thoughts. These are the thoughts that come into our brain when we experience a certain circumstance. For example, the circumstance is that I get a pay raise at my work. The thought is that I'm so happy. I've been looking forward to this promotion. I worked so hard for this. Another example to this promotion I worked so hard for this.
Speaker 1: 6:00
Another example a circumstance is that there's cereal on the floor. The thought is oh my god, this kid dropped cereal on the floor again. When is he going to learn to eat? Or another circumstance is that the sun is out. The thought is oh, it's nice outside, maybe we'll go out for a picnic. Or, in the same circumstance the sun is out Another person might have a thought oh, it's so hot outside, we'll stay indoors today.
Speaker 1: 6:26
Notice how the same circumstance of the sun being out can generate two different thoughts. One thought is positive, where the person's planning on going out for a picnic, and the other thought not so positive, or even neutral, where they're planning on staying indoors because they find it to be too hot. It's the same circumstance, meaning the circumstance is always neutral. It's the thought that we generate about the circumstance that is either positive or negative. Another very powerful and possibly charged example for some of you will be a circumstance which is neutral is that I weigh 200 pounds on the scale. The thought is I'm so fat and so ugly, I keep overeating for no good reason. I have no control, I will never amount to anything. I can't even control what I'm eating. This is a very toxic, negative thought. Now take the same circumstance I weigh 200 pounds on the scale and instead of generating a negative thought, you generate a thought like I have a body, I can move my arms, I can move my legs, I can walk, I can cook, I can clean, I can work.
Speaker 1: 7:36
The point is the thoughts are always in our control. The circumstances are not. We cannot control what thoughts come into our brain. Initially. We can control what thoughts we choose to focus on and with practice, we think thoughts that serve us in the long run. They serve the purpose of our life, they serve us reaching our goal. This is where the power of the model lies. This is so powerful, you guys, if you can understand, the power of reaching your goals lies in choosing your thoughts. Then, basically, you've won the game of life.
Speaker 1: 8:12
Next in the model is the letter F, which stands for feelings. Feelings are emotions that are created in our body based on the thought we have. They're the fuel we need to generate an action. They're vibrations, emotions, energy or whatever you want to call it. The next letter is A, which is action, which is basically the action or the inaction we take based on our feelings. Feelings drive our actions, which is the next step of the model, meaning, if you're feeling excited, you'll go all in, have the energy and get the work done. On the other hand, if you're feeling sad, you'll want to stay in bed, not do your work and not perform at the level of your capability, which is the example of inaction. Like I said, feelings can generate both action and inaction, and that will be the A line. The last one is R, which stands for results, which is a result we create from our action. As a general rule, positive thoughts will create positive results and negative thoughts will create negative results. So let me give some examples using the whole model.
Speaker 1: 9:17
The circumstance is I have a five-year-old son. The thought is he is such a joy in my life. The feeling that thought generates is happy, content, grateful. The action I take based on those feelings is that I hug him, I nurture him, I teach him sports, I spend time with him. The result is I have created a wonderful and fulfilling relationship with my son. Now does that sound like a wonderful goal? It does to me.
Speaker 1: 9:49
Now let us take another example. Circumstance is my five-year-old son dropped cereal on the floor. The thought that generates is how many times is he going to do this? I've already cleaned up the kitchen. His father didn't even notice how hard I'm working. The feeling that thought generates is frustrated, angry. Action I take based on that feeling of frustration is I yell at my son, I complain to my husband, I punish my son for being careless.
Speaker 1: 10:20
The result I've created based on that action is I've created a strain in my relationship with both my son and my husband. Now does that sound like a fulfilling result? Not so much. The worst part is the justification we provide for creating this result and doing it over and over again and thinking that it is not in our control. So much so that the result of a strained relationship with our sons, with our family with our husbands becomes our reality and we think that we're not meant to have loving and fulfilling relationships. We create elaborate belief systems around these thoughts that we're choosing on a loop. We choose these thoughts that don't serve us and we call it destiny. Famous psychologist, carl Jung, said until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
Speaker 1: 11:08
Now let's take the same circumstance. My five-year-old son dropped cereal on the floor. The thought it generates he was so excited about reaching for the dinosaur toy he didn't even see the cereal in his way. The thought it generates he was so excited about reaching for the dinosaur toy he didn't even see the cereal in his way. The feeling it generates for me is fascinated. I'm just fascinated in his curiosity. The action that I will take based on that feeling is I feed his curiosity, I nurture him, I bring the cereal spill to his attention, we make the cleanup and activity together and the result I generate based on that action is that I have a delighted child on my hands and my relationship with him is so much stronger and loving. See how just a shift in thought and taking child's perspective changed the results so dramatically. Practice this type of thought repeatedly and you'll have a bond with your son that everyone will want for themselves, and this applies to every relationship in your life.
Speaker 1: 12:10
All right, let's take another example. The circumstance is that my boss promoted my colleague to a manager position and not me. The thought that creates is I deserve that promotion. I work harder than any other guy. How can my boss be so oblivious? He doesn't deserve my respect. The feeling I get from that thought is of resentment and anger. The action I take based on that feeling is I don't do my best work, I cut corners, I show up late, I take every opportunity to slack off and the result I get from that action is my performance declines at work and my boss promotes my colleague. You've created your own circumstance. Which boss will be smart enough to promote someone who's doing a mediocre job at best?
Speaker 1: 13:02
Now, some of the more academic minds of those that are listening will say well, I wouldn't have thought this way if my boss hadn't promoted my colleague. But what I'm going to offer you is that circumstances are always neutral. The circumstance of your boss promoting your colleague is neutral until you have a thought about it. You can have a negative thought or a positive thought and, depending on which one you choose, the results will come accordingly. Which one you choose, the results will come accordingly. Now, in the same circumstance, let's say we choose a more neutral or a positive thought, the circumstance is my boss promoted my colleague.
Speaker 1: 13:41
The thought that comes to your mind is one of curiosity I wonder why that happened. I wonder why my colleague got promoted. Or another thought that can come to your mind is more of a positive one yeah, well, my colleague deserved it. He works really hard. Or another thought that can come in your mind might be what can I do to get the next promotion? How can I work harder? How can I improve myself? Now, based on all these thoughts, you'll have different feelings. If you're thinking hmm, I wonder why that happened you'll be feeling curious. If you have a positive thought my colleague works really hard and he deserves it you'll be feeling inspired by him. Or if you have a thought where you're asking yourself I can't believe I missed that opportunity. What can I do to improve myself? The feeling you will generate is of that of motivation.
Speaker 1: 14:33
Depending on the feeling, you will create a different action. Let's choose to focus on the positive thought where you're asking yourself where you've missed the opportunity and you're feeling motivated to work harder. The action you'll take is you work hard, you'll add value, you'll contribute, you'll show up on time, you inspire others to work hard, and the result that might generate will be your boss notices your hard work and you get a promotion. Now that's the best case scenario. I'm not saying that's going to happen 100% of the time. Now let's say that your boss does have a person in vendetta against you and he does not want to promote you.
Speaker 1: 15:11
Regardless of how hard you're working, the results of your positive actions and positive thoughts will still be positive, because imagine what you might have created at work based on your positive actions. Your colleagues will respect you for your hard work, for you showing up, for you giving your 100%, for working hard, for your best effort. You would have created confidence for yourself, which is a precious commodity that no boss can take away from you. In the end, you've chosen a thought that served you best and you've taken the time to consciously go through the thought effort. This, my friend, is the difference between conscious and unconscious thoughts. If we bring thoughts to our consciousness, we can generate results that are more rewarding to us. At the Islamic Life Coach School. It is going to be my mission to bring more and more of these thoughts to consciousness so you can live a more conscious life with the results of a more fulfilling life.
Speaker 1: 16:04
One last example I want to give you is of a circumstance that generates a negative thought Because, let's face it, life is not always rainbows and daisies. So let's say the circumstance holds, I slept through Fajr prayer. The thought that comes to my mind is oh my god, I can't believe I did that. I should not have stayed at the party so late and socialized so much. No wonder I'm such a failure. I can't do anything. I can't get anything done. I can't even wake up to an alarm.
Speaker 1: 16:32
The feeling these thoughts will generate will be disappointed and of despair. The action you might take might be inaction, where you might not want to get out of bed, where you might be playing victim, sitting in despair. The results you will generate is you will not get up to make up your salah and you won't do anything to circumvent the problem. Now let's take the same circumstance. The circumstance is I slept through Fajr prayer. The thought that comes to your mind is I was so tired I didn't even hear my alarm. I should excuse myself from parties early so that I can get a good enough rest. Let me make up my prayer Based on these thoughts. The feeling you might get will be of optimism. You'll feel optimistic. Action you might take is that you make up your pair, you make an action plan to get enough rest, you set multiple alarms, you excuse yourself from parties earlier next time.
Speaker 1: 17:22
Now see the difference. The same circumstance that generated a negative thought ended up in a result that didn't serve us. On the other hand, if we are able to take the thought from negative to neutral, the results are the ones that do serve us. Now notice I didn't say that the circumstance of sleeping through Fajr prayer should give you positive thoughts, like you should be saying oh how delightful, look, I missed my Fajr. No, that should never be the case. There are certain circumstances that generate negative thoughts, and rightly so. Nobody should be happy about missing a prayer, but what I am saying is that you should choose to concentrate on the thought that gets you results. So that's all I have for you guys for today's podcast. In the future podcasts we will be talking about awareness of thoughts, emotional intelligence and how we can use this model to increase our EQ. Thank you very much for listening.
