How to make decisions

Hello hello hello you guys peace and blessings be upon all of you. It's so good to be writing this again I am here with another rejuvenating concept.

I hope you are all doing your thought outputs.

If you don’t know what that is, or how to do one, send us your email, and we will send you the guide on how to do a thought output.

Sometimes when we are doing our thought output, We come up with sentences like I don't know what to do. or just in general we realise that we have a decision to make but we cannot decide what to do.

“I don't know how much food to order for the party”, 

“I don't know what school to send my kids to”, 

“I don't know if I should stay-at-home or work outside of the home as a career”.

“I don't know if I can do both”.

Or when you have decided something, you question yourself 

“I don't know if that was the right decision to make or the right thing to do”. 

These I don't know thoughts are extremely common, but I am here to tell you that the answer to this I don't know is extremely easily available to you. I'm going to walk you through how that is in how to actually make decisions.

When you think “I don't know…….. (fill in the blank),  you have blocked access to your wisdom. And the way this happens is because your brain likes staying in the familiar, the known, by remembering the past. Does this sound familiar? Staying in the comfortable known past and avoiding the pain of the unknown?. That sounds like, you guessed it, 

the lower brain.

So our lovely lower brain is very good at its job, it likes to stay efficient and likes to keep us in the familiar. It spoon feeds us I don't know thoughts. “I don't know if I should have another child”. “I don't know if I should have a child yet”. “I don't know if hes the right guy for me”. “I don't know if I can ever make the right decision”. “I don't know if I can ever hire the right employees”. And on and on it goes.

These I don't know thoughts are different from actually not knowing how to solve a calculus problem, or not knowing the capital of Cambodia, or any other trivia question like that. Humbly accepting not knowing those facts or working to gain that kind of knowledge is different. What I am talking about here is about the decisions in your life that only you can make. 

When you say I don't know you will spend so much energy trying to figure out an answer to something you already declared unknown. And the unknown is infinite; it is very easy to get lost in that. Nobody knows exactly what the right thing to do is, there are experts in fields, but even experts make mistakes in their decisions.  So given that track record of humans, nobody should ever technically be able to make a decision, because nobody has all the knowledge. The only being with all the knowledge is Allah SWT, Al Aleem, the All Knowing.  So how do people make decisions? And what are us, as mortal human beings supposed to do with the partial knowledge we are provided to make a decision?\

To that I say that each human being is given the exact amount of knowledge they need to make a decision. Each human being is given hikmah or wisdom or guidance. We just have to find it and tap into it.  So there is no such thing as incomplete knowledge when it comes to personal decisions there's only the right amount of knowledge.

Here are the 2 steps you can follow to tap into that knowledge or that wisdom

#1: you have to take your lower brain out of the way, 

# 2: you have to trust the process.

So practically speaking what does that look like?

1st step to take when you're trying to make a decision is to take the lower brain out of the way. And the way to do that is surprise surprise….. CTFAR. 

When we are in a lower brain state,  our action line of the CTFAR contains a lot of mind drama. Now, this is an advanced topic and it takes me a few sessions to explore this with a client but I'll explain it as simply as I can here so you guys can see the power behind this method. 

Example would look like this: I am taking a client through the formula and they tell me the 

T : is I don't know if this is the right job for me

F  confusion

A I've been working so hard but no one pays attention. There is no teamwork  I have do everything myself, management doesn't care, I dread going to work, there's nothing that can be done. 

So the A-line is filled with so many thoughts, actions and complaints that it keeps creating evidence for what doesn't work and the client never gets to find out actually what to do. 

Me: “If you could tell your management one thing that would help you what would it be”

(And there is always some resistance at this point, and the 1st answer usually is 

Client: “I don't know anything about this situation that can help me. This is hopeless there's nothing that can be done”. 

Me: “ what if you were a person that knew the answer. what you would do?  What would you ask for?”.

Client: “well if I was a person that knew then I would ask management to make changes in the schedule, hold shorter more precise meetings and give more positive reinforcement to employees” .  

Me: Have you asked them for these things? 

Client: “ No because I know it will not help” 

But the reality is they don’t know if it will help or not, because they have never tried it. They have been so occupied with their confusion and overwhelm about the situation that they have never had a chance to gather any evidence that will prove their thoughts wrong. They have created evidence of their thoughts by never voicing their suggestions and proving they are not working. Therefore staying safe in the familiar. 

One of my clients who is an office based physician, kept complaining that the office staff is useless, the administration of the practice and the senior partners keep giving her call for the weekends and major holidays and most of the work she carries during work hours is burning her out.Then at one point during the session I asked her if she was a person who could ask for one thing that would help her what it would it be. She immediately came up with an answer that a scribe would help her. A medical scribe is a person who can document for a physician, taking a lot of repetitive work out of the way for the clinician.  After she came up with that answer she immediately rejected it and said that the partners of the practice will never accept it because it will cost money. I encouraged her to follow her gut and ask anyway. 3 weeks later she came back to me saying that not only they accepted her request, they were looking into hiring remote scribes for the entire practice because after they ran the numbers it would actually increase physician productivity and it would be more profitable for them. She was amazed to find out that they had never even considered a scribe as a possibility. Because just like her everyone was just staying in the familiar not exploring the unknown.  

Amazing things happen when you explore the unknown because that is when you are using your higher brain. 

She was creating So much mind drama from indecisions and confusion that she never stopped to think she might actually know the answer. And this unfortunately happens extremely commonly. Way to combat that is step outside of your thoughts storm, which is the mind drama we create in the A line, and ask yourself what if I was someone who knew the answer what would I do. The answer will immediately come to you. And right in that moment you have access to your wisdom your hekma your guidance that Allah has granted you. Just like every other human being.  

One time recently I was taking the kids to a theme park  And my husband couldn't meet up with us until the afternoon, so I was responsible for carrying the backpack, I was so afraid about going to the park for the 1st time during the pandemic, about having to keep the kids safe until he could meet us that I couldn't decide how many bottles of water to take. I was just so confused about the smallest thing. 1 bottle wasn't going to be enough, 2 or more bottles would make the bag heavy, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what to do. So my husband is like why don't you take one bottle, if you need more you can buy them. And I was like, what do u mean buy water? He is like you know, with money, like with a credit card. 

And like a light bulb turned on,  why didn't I think of that? I could just buy water from the park. I was in a thought storm of fear of not wanting to expose the kids to water fountains in the pandemic that I didn't think I could just buy water. 

This is what we do when we lose our common sense. We are acting so much from our lower brain thoughts that even common sense is lost to us. Alhamdullilah we had a great time at the park and after that episode I was very much aware of my thoughts and didn't let fear ruin our family time. 

So don't let easy answers or common sense be lost to you, ask yourself if I was a person who knew the answer, what would I do. That's the 1st step of taking the lower brain out of the way. 

When you have access to that answer immediately write it down because soon after your lower brain will take over and offer you many many reasons why it can't be done. And most of us these days the lower brain pathways are so strong that as soon as our wisdom shows up, the lower brain immediately takes over and dismisses it like it wasn't even real.  So write it down, to help you realise that the answer is actually there, it's not fake or a figment of your imagination. All that is happening is that your over powering lower brain buries it so you can’t see it. 

So the next step is to trust the process, that's number 2

You found out the answer but you don't act on it because you don't know if this is the right thing to do. And to that my friend I will tell you is what you do is the right thing to do.  When you got married was the right time to get married, when you had children was the right time to have children, when you left your job to pay attention to your kids was the right time to do exactly that. What has passed cannot be changed, that is the C line. Don't fight it because you will lose every time. Why burn so much pressure energy questioning the past? 

So during this 2nd step you'll take actions to believe in your decision. You have to trust the process. It is so easy to be afraid of the outcome of the decision. 

We are afraid of what if the decision ends up in something negative. I buy a car instead of taking the bus everyday and the car gets into an accident, I decide to pay for college working multiple jobs leaving me afraid that my life is passing me by. Decisions will force you to face your fear of a negative outcome, regardless if any negative thing ever happens or not.

But what if I told you, that is supposed to be your journey. That is how you grow and that is your path in life. Any negative outcome of your decision has made you the person you are today and has molded you to be YOU. Only and UNIQUELY you. 

Outcomes of our decisions are our journey in life. Remember this.

I will say it again

OUTCOMES OF OUR DECISIONS ARE OUR JOURNEY IN LIFE. We have no control over that. The only thing we can do as human being is keep making decisions. 

But in another incredible news, I will share with you that for us as muslims, we have a beautiful dua that we can utilize for helping us with decisions and that is the dua of Istikhara, it can be translated into Dua for seeking counsel. 

Let me clarify some misconceptions around Istikhara though. Many people believe that they are supposed to get a yes or no answer in a dream, and yes dreams hold value in Islam but that is not the way Istikhara is answered. 

Another mistake people make is use it so much that it is just a ritual, make sure you are making this Dua intently with proper 2 optional prayers, or Nafl. 

Also, I want to tell you there are not supposed to be any signs, like you did istikhara about taking a new job and before you left the house for the interview it started raining. It's not a sign that you shouldn’t go to the interview. It’s a sign that you should get an umbrella. Or like, you think that you should purchase a house on sunset street because you saw the sun setting. That’s not how it works.

Point of istikhara is that when we make a decision, or about to make a decision we ask Allah’s counsel to either make it easy for us, or take it away from us depending if it is beneficial for us in this world and the next. 

So for those of you who don’t utilize this often, I highly recommend that you do. With this we are consciously ridding ourselves of the responsibility of the outcome. And do you know what a burden that responsibility is? Feeling responsible for the outcome will render you completely useless. You’ll never be able to do anything. That is such a monumental responsibility that no human being can handle it. That is why Allah SWT has told her, make decisions, take actions, and only HE hold the responsibility of the outcome.

 You’ll feel so much lighter when you know that Allah’s got this. Even if the outcome is not what you had hoped for, you’ll find it easier to find solace in the fact that this is how it was supposed to happen, this is my journey. You didn’t get that job even after going to that rainy day interview, you bought that house but it turned out to be a wrong purchase for your finances.  All of that is FOR you. So you can learn and become the unique human being that you are today.

So if everything in this world started to happen for you, there will be no WRONG decisions. I cannot Thank Allah enough for this design. And for giving us the intelligence to recognize this design.

Take these steps to make a decision

Step 1, Take the lower brain out of the way, step out of the cloud of confusion by using CTFAR and write down the 1st answer that comes to you.

Step 2 is trust the process of following through to your decision, make istikhara and truly believe that Allah is responsible for the outcome, through istikhara , ALL THE WHILE, taking action! 

YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACTION. 

I am here to help you with your decision making process, schedule a right fit discovery call with me to see if I can help you with your decisions. Schedule an appointment and I will tailor a personal plan for you to follow to help with your decision. 

I pray to Allah that he makes this path easy for us, that he grants us our desires and makes this life for a higher purpose. I pray for all of our safety, security and freedom from unregulated fears. I pray for the all the Muslims’ prosperity, for all of humanity’s prosperity. May Allah make it easy for all of us to make successful decisions and to act on them 

Until next time.