5 Actionable Steps to Prioritize Your Pleasure in Marriage and Let Go of Shame

Assalamu Alaikum,

Let’s address a truth that many of us have been conditioned to ignore: shame often prevents us from fully enjoying the beautiful bond of marriage. As Muslim women, we’re taught to value modesty, but sometimes that message gets tangled with guilt and fear around prioritizing our own pleasure.

Here’s the truth: your pleasure matters. Prioritizing your needs isn’t selfish—it’s an act of healing that benefits both you and your marriage.

To help you take the first steps, here are five actionable ways to dismantle shame and reclaim your joy.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment

Shame thrives in silence. Start by acknowledging how you feel about intimacy and pleasure in your marriage. Write it down in a private journal or reflect in dua. By bringing those feelings to light, you can begin to understand and release the shame holding you back.

Tip: End your journaling with gratitude to reframe your thoughts in a positive light. For example, “I am grateful for the opportunity to grow closer to my spouse and strengthen our bond.”

2. Educate Yourself About Your Rights in Islam

Islam celebrates love, intimacy, and mutual fulfillment in marriage. Understanding your rights and responsibilities can empower you to view intimacy as an act of worship, rather than something to feel ashamed of.

Tip: Explore books or lectures by trusted Islamic scholars on marriage to deepen your understanding of its beauty and balance.

3. Communicate Your Needs Openly with Your Spouse

Effective communication is the foundation of a fulfilling marriage. Start small by sharing your thoughts and feelings with your spouse in a safe, calm setting. Be honest about your needs while also inviting their perspective.

Tip: Use “I” statements to express your needs, such as, “I feel most connected to you when we spend quality time together,” or, “I’d love to explore ways to strengthen our bond.”

4. Replace Negative Self-Talk with Affirmations

Shame often stems from internalized negative messages. Challenge these thoughts by replacing them with affirmations rooted in faith and self-love.

Example Affirmations:

• “I deserve joy and fulfillment in my marriage.”
• “Intimacy is a gift from Allah (SWT), and I honor it in my relationship.”
• “Expressing my needs is an act of self-respect and love.”

5. Seek Guidance and Support

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Whether through trusted friends, a coach, or Islamic resources, seek the support you need to move past shame and embrace joy.

Tip: Listen to my podcast episode, “Overcoming Internalized Shame”, where I explore how shame takes root and offer practical advice for dismantling it.

Take the First Step Toward Reclaiming Your Joy

Shame has no place in a loving, halal marriage. When you prioritize your pleasure, you create space for healing and connection that aligns with the teachings of Islam.

Are you ready to let go of shame and claim your joy? It starts with you—and it starts today.

Reclaim Your Joy in One Month

If you’re ready to deepen your connection and reclaim joy in your marriage, my Create Pleasure in Your Marriage in One Month workshop  is here to guide you. This journey is designed to help you:

• Build confidence to express your desires.
• Strengthen intimacy and connection.
• Align your joy with the values of Islam.